Who can put their seatbelt on first?

Let’s see how fast you can put your shoes on?

Johnny put his plate in the dishwasher first!

Most parents would have used these statements before. While it can be a really good way to get our kids to do something, here is why it doesn’t work for every kid and why we need to diversify our strategies.

• Neurodiverse children often spend much of their day in a heightened state of alertness or stress, especially in environments like school/childcare. Home should be their safe space, a place where they can relax and feel secure.
• Our role as parents and guides is to help create a sense of safety and calm at home, supporting their nervous system to settle into a state where connection and learning are possible.
• When we turn everyday tasks into a race, we unintentionally increase arousal and reinforce a pattern where being in a heightened, dysregulated state feels normal or familiar for the child.
• Rushing through tasks can make things that are already challenging even harder, often leading to more mistakes and frustration. Sometimes this rushed state can also decrease our awareness of our surroundings and cause safety concerns particularly in car parks or near roads.
• Framing activities as a race also introduces a sense of winning or losing, which can be dysregulating—especially if the child doesn’t “win” or feels they haven’t met expectations.
• When anyone is stressed, it’s much harder to think clearly and learn new things. For neurodiverse children, adding the pressure of a race can increase stress and reduce their capacity for new learning and problem-solving. Usually, children are putting on their breaks because something is hard, and they need to learn the foundational skills to be able to be successful next time.

Making things a race can be a useful tool to have in your belt to help get something done. However, it’s important to consider the bigger picture and whether using this strategy regularly may be adding to your child’s mental load throughout the day. Speak with your therapist about other strategies and tools you could be using.

Author: Monique McKernan – Occupational Therapist